When Things Get Stripped Away

I have, at various times in my life, felt like God was stripping away from me the very things I had been holding close. A desire for something that I thought would make me happy. A relationship with a friend that fulfilled me deeply. Unity and closeness with my husband that lulled me into a sleepy complacency. God has allowed the things that I held close to be stripped away, because I was holding them too closely. My fingers were wrapped around them in a vice grip. And when He strips them free from my hands, it always leaves me with deep gashes in my hands and in my heart.

I once again allowed my focus to be lured away from Him, wooed by other things that promised to fill me up to overflowing, but always fall short. And when they have left me in wanting, when my heart is parched and bleeding because the thing that promised to fill me didn't and now on top of that has been pulled away from me, my eyes finally turn back to the One who was the only One who could ever fill me in the way I was designed to be filled. He doesn't do this because He is being unkind. He does this because He is good. He does this because He knows that He is the only One who can fill me, and I won't ever give up the other thing on my own. I don't believe that God is against allowing us the things that bring us pleasure. I do think He is against us wanting those things more than we want Him. The darkness and loneliness that I feel in these times cause me to finally, finally put my focus back where it's supposed to be. On Him.

I'm a difficult student. If only I would always remember that He is the only source of my filling, then I wouldn't have to find myself in these dark places. If only I were better at keeping my desires and focus in check, keeping God in the forefront and everything else neatly in line behind Him. If only I wouldn't put too much pressure on some other thing to fill the deep longings in my heart.

Then.... well, then I wouldn't get to be reminded, over and over and over again, that God is good and is all I need. Then, well I suppose then I wouldn't have the experience of falling on my knees at the foot of His cross, over and over, as His tender hands cup my face and He says, "daughter, I've been here all along, waiting for your eyes to once again find Me". And then I might lose sight of just how much I need Him and His grace and mercy, and how empty I feel without them. Moses had to go into the darkness of a cloud to find God (Exodus 20:21). And I am finding that the things I learn about God when I find Him in the darkness are the things that leave the sweetest marks on my heart.