Hard Doesn't Always Mean Harmful

We were all relaxing together, watching different comedy clips and movie trailers, passing the final minutes between the ending of a movie and bedtime. After a Dumbo trailer ended, a few commented that they'd like to watch the movie. Our sensitive, deep feeling youngest said that she did not. "It's too sad," she said. I drew close to her, snuggled right up so that my words might go through her ears and into her heart, that she might always remember. I said, "Sometimes the most beautiful stories have some sad in them."

It's true, though. As humans, we tend to shy away from the hard, the sad. In our relationships with others, we skirt along the comfortable path, not wanting to create or add conflict by addressing issues or approaching hard topics. In our marriages and friendships we settle into a steady rhythm of day in and day out, sweeping the difficult and sad under the carpet and going along our day because there are too many other things to worry about. The hurtful comment gets pushed aside. The hard conversations about tight finances or the rebelling child or the family member or the other person's behavior get put on the back burner to make room for discussions about dinner or the weekend plans or the funny thing that happened that day. The hard stuff gets avoided, but it doesn't go away.

There are several reasons why we do this. It tends to be in most people's nature to avoid things that feel uncomfortable. We like comfort. Also, though, most people avoid difficult conversations because they just don't know how to have them. Often these conversations end up with one or both people angry and yelling or just walking away and avoiding. Generally one or both will get defensive and spend the whole conversation defending their own actions rather than hearing what the other person is trying to say. Friendships get severed. Relationships become strained.

The thing is, though, that when you know or learn how to have these conversations the right way, you have the potential to have a story that gets more beautiful through the hard and the sad. Husbands and wives can work through the conflict in a way that makes them feel closer and more in love than they felt beforehand, when the conflict was there simmering under the surface. Friendships can deepen and become more meaningful and longer lasting when friends understand that relationship is work that is worth it. If you can grow through the hard and sad you will have a friendship that will weather any storm and last a lifetime. 

In our interactions with others there will eventually be hard situations and sadness. But if we can tackle the sad and hard together we can grow through them, and we can be a part of a story that is breathtakingly beautiful.

Do you avoid talking about conflict in your relationships? Do you want to learn the best way to have the hard conversations?

Happy to link up with A Fireman's Wife, DIY Daddy, Traffic Jam Weekend, Blogger's Pit Stop, and Oh My Heartsie Girl.